I Am Me...

Have you ever just randomly come to a realization that you are yourself. I know it sounds crazy. But has it ever just slapped you in the face one day and you feel like it is the strangest conclusion. How crazy it is to be someone. To be you even. To think that you are doing all these things in your life....most of them without even thinking about it. You just live. Naturally without any help from yourself, without much effort at all. And you wonder, what makes up this person, the person you are being?

I find it the most frustrating thing of all to not be able to see myself. i only see through my eyes and i see my arms and my hands and the brim of my nose, and my feet. But i never know what i look like from the outside. I am me. Its weird. I always ask myself when the real feelings come. the ones from me.....not the ones i think i feel, the stupid cliché feelings that everyone has. The more i come to a realization that i am a person, myself, the more i wonder who this person is. What i really like, what i really don't. What i really think about something, and how strong i feel or don't feel about it.

You are probably like, "what the heck were you doing your whole life before you figured this one out?!", to tell you the truth, i don't know. I floated along, trapped inside a person i thought i was. Not what i ACTUALLY was. How do you know who someone actually is? I think its in those moments where the world is blurred away and you are too tired to think, and to put on your face that day...and you don't care. You are real. honest. raw. simple.

I think most of us play it safe. Its a game, life to us is a game. We care too much. We shouldn't but we do. At least i do. I care what people think. I play it safe. HOW in the WORLD am i EVER going win if im always playing it safe. I want to win. I think most of us do. I don't think anyone is in this to lose.

I think that no one wants to put themselves out there because, people are just down right mean, and careless, and they take your precious thoughts and your precious self, and your dreams.....and crush them. Because they are scared too. Because they are too worried about their face they have on to notice. It should be the reverse. We are so strong inside, its the outside of us thats weak, not the other way around!

I have this weird OCD, where i always think that myself inside is a completely different than my outside, my actual body. But i start to realize that the inside me is also connected to my skin. it is one, it is a whole. ME.

You should be honored that you are yourself. God matched it perfectly after all. We are so important and strong and worth something that God has our names written in the stars, in the heavens, in everything around us, and even in his heart and soul. Thats pretty amazing. We must be pretty dang important. We have so much impact on everything. How exciting that we get to do stuff that no one else in the world does, we get to be someone that no one else will ever get to be. No one will ever be the same as you. And its not an accident. You were made specifically. Customized.

I know i probably sound like a raving crazy woman....but thats okay with me. Some of this stuff has probably never even crossed your mind, and if it has....im excited that im not the only one.

(This could also have something to do with that i am unbelievable tired and my eyes are rolling in my head....but i like to think not entirely)

-Me